A Rainy Heart

a novel, page 2
Another day, and a year has gone by for me. They laugh again. And again. They laugh louder. There are some different voices. I don’t know what they talk about, but a lot of them laugh. I wish they would stop laughing so much when they don’t know one another that well. And there is Nate, I can hear him laugh and talk, because of his high voice, how can I not hear him. Does he want to wake me up, or he knows that I am awake, or he wants me to be disturbed. Maybe I should just walk out there and meet them. Maybe I should let Nate see that all his predictions about this night is wrong. Is now 12:50 a.m. I must have fallen asleep for some minutes. I didn’t hear the doorbell. How did they get in? Someone’s apologizing for coming late. His voice, deep. Is this him? The one that Karie wants to meet so much. The one that makes Nate angry when he hears about the guy. And I don’t even remember the name. He must have a name, but now, he remains as the unknown stranger. And doesn’t matter how Karie gets excited, and how Nate gets frustrated about this unknown guy, Brent acts calm throughout the whole time, or at least, during the last one week at our dining table. Or maybe he has been used to Karie, how she gets excited to meet new persons, but she cannot leave Brent at the end. After all, they have been together nine years now. Should I join them? They sound to be fun. Don’t know why they laugh again and again. Is like they’re not afraid of the neighbors going to call the police. I forgot. This is beach city. No one cares how loud we get, especially on weekends. Should I join them? Perhaps I will. This way will end Nate’s predictions. If I just ignore them all, then everything will be fine. Just ignore, the best I can do as I have been doing so the last 5 years living with him; seeing all the ones that come near me without movement, without thought, without feeling, and yet he’s not satisfied. I am just a prize for him. Not really. An object, I think.


Journey of the moments #4

When I woke up, realizing that life is here still, I think of a news about a young teenager who hung herself recently. I wish I could be there… No one is worth for a person to end her/his life, and no reason is worth for one to commit suicide. No matter how this life may be, each living being has just one life on earth. When we are happy, or sad, perhaps we have someone to share with. Yet when one dies, then dies alone. No one will die for us, just like no one will be ill for us. Embrace each second, disregard all the negatives in life, because when one shuts down his/her life, one sees and feels the complete hollow that words can never describe.

A Rainy Heart

a novel, page 1
That night . . . it was a summer night, it was after midnight. If I weren’t to wake up to the sound of your laughter, if I had remained in bed, then this night and other nights, each second would have taken me in a dream somewhere. If I had not looked into your eyes, then my heart now wouldn’t have beaten this way, and the blood now crashes through my body, just as how it had been when you first gazed into my eyes nineteen years ago. . .

It is a Friday night. It is in June. I am about to turn 27 tomorrow. Just another age and all I want is to sleep, but how can I when they have started the party without me, without me saying yes or no. They laugh and giggle. How am I going to sleep? I should have bought earplugs. They always laugh, they and me, the four of us have been living at this beach house the last one year, and once in a while, we can have a weekend without their friends, but tonight is different. Tonight they have strangers, I really mean strangers. Why they meet at this hour, and these strangers will arrive in few minutes. Is already 12:43 a.m. Is no longer Friday.  

Journey of the moments #1

In this solitude, when everyone else has been occupied, being alive to acknowledge the 5 senses still function, moments are beauty. Each second counts, even when we fall asleep or gaze at the unseen air. There is no such “nothing” and thus, don’t let anyone say, “Why are you doing nothing?” Knowing that I am breathing; this is the first accomplishment I must embrace. Perhaps in others’ eyes my time now is just futile as no concrete material has been produced, but I capture the moments and do what is best for me now, is the key to a living being. Be yourself!


Love it Now says:

January 16, 2017 at 2:32 pm

you’re right 🙂we are living in the world where the production of material things is a measure of our worth. When I showed my blog to my father and told him about all those fascinating things coming out of blogging he only asked “what do you get from this in the material sense? Nothing? no gain? So what’s the sense?”. So thank you for all your likes today, knowing that someone is reading and maybe liking is enough for me.
Daal says:

January 31, 2017 at 5:22 am

lovely writing here – so glad you visited my blog – especially as its led me to yours 🙂

Letter to unknown love, #1

My Love,

It has been a few years since I let you be the owner of my heart.  Each day seems longer than the day before as words from my letters and messages might have not been read, or that you have forgotten to reply the last seven seasons.  Or maybe you have been occupied with admirers that you have not the time to respond, but that doesn’t end the increased feelings I have built in this heart, though never once have I seen what you look like, not even for one second.  Once in a while I can hear your voice on the other end of phone line, and during those moments, I do not see an image of you, but only a voice that warms my entire being.

Time seems to stand still when I wonder if you ever come to see me, even if just for one minute, yet as I look at my hands, skin now dries with more wrinkles, time has not waited for you and me.  At times I wish I could turn into air, for the wind to carry me to by your side, then i can surround you with my warmness, yet you won’t be bothered by my existence.